


help me sing along

by QueenWithABeeThrone



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Jane The Most Relatable First-Time D&D Player, Multi, Tabletop Roleplay, some poly but not the focus, wishful thinking re: future cr speculation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-01-20 20:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18532990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenWithABeeThrone/pseuds/QueenWithABeeThrone
Summary: “Can you run a Dungeons and Dragons campaign for me?” Mateo asks, which—what?or: Jane theVirginDungeon Master.





	1. find the path

**Author's Note:**

> title is from Patent Pending’s “Second Family”.
> 
> chapter titles are D&D 5E spell titles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spell description:  
> "This spell finds you the shortest, most direct route to a location you are familiar with. If you name a destination on another plane of existence, a destination that moves, or a destination that isn't specific, the spell fails.
> 
> For the duration, as long as you are on the same plane of existence as the destination, you know how far it is and in what direction it lies. Whenever you are presented with a choice of paths along the way, you automatically determine which path is the most direct route to the destination."
> 
> ... **spoilers** for Critical Role Campaign 2, up until around—episode 50, I'd say?

_When Jane Gloriana Villanueva was thirty-three years and two weeks old, her son came to her with a proposition…_

“Mom,” says Mateo, carrying a very large dragon figure and looking very, very solemn as he comes into the living room, “you’re a writer, right?”

Jane looks up from the first draft of her new novel, a story about three people who’d come together despite amnesia and misunderstandings to take hold of their happy ending at last, set in the midst of the Prohibition era. “Yes,” she says, eyeing the figure. Where did that come from? What is Mateo doing with it? Does she need to take him to apologize to a playmate?

“Can you run a Dungeons and Dragons campaign for me?” Mateo asks, which—what? “And Anna and Ellie too. We already made up our characters and everything, but Anna doesn’t wanna be the Dungeon Master and we don’t want Ellie to be the Dungeon Master, because she’ll just try to kill us if she doesn’t like how things are going, and you’re the best _best_ writer I know!”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, Mateo,” says Jane, saving her work and shutting her laptop closed. “What are you talking about? What campaign?”

“Dungeons and Dragons,” Mateo says, lifting the dragon figure up for her to take. “It’s this game where a bunch of people play a bunch of characters, and they fight bad guys with magic and swords, and the Dungeon Master’s the one that makes up the bad guys and the good guys’ allies and everything.” He looks up at her with sad, sad eyes. “Please, Mom?”

“Uh,” says Jane. “I’ll—think about it? I don’t know a whole lot about this game, Mateo—”

“That’s okay!” Mateo chirps, and puts his backpack down on the couch, unzipping it to pull out two guidebooks. “Anna let me have just these two books, so you could read them.”

So—homework, then. Jane sighs, running her fingers over the smooth covers over the two books: a Player’s Handbook and a Dungeon Master’s Guide. Hell, why not. It can’t hurt to read through them, get a little familiar with how this game works.

\--

“Hey,” says Jane, as Michael scrapes a pancake off the frying pan and Rafael’s typing something on his phone, “what’s a d20?”

“A what?” says Rafael, looking up.

“A d20,” Jane clarifies. “And a—d6? That can’t be right.”

“Oh, hey,” says Michael, turning off the gas and stepping closer so he can peer down at the books that Jane’s got open in front of her, “is that Dungeons and Dragons?” He laughs, a little. “Guys at the ranch got me to play this with them, I had this wizard who they bought weapons and armor for ‘cause he kept falling unconscious in fights.”

“You were _what_?” says Rafael, squinting at Michael. Which is fair, Jane has no idea what the fuck he just said. A wizard?

“A wizard?” says Michael, as if that’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You—don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Mateo would,” says Jane, rubbing at her temples. “This stuff is—a lot, and there’s things I don’t understand in it. Like whatever a d20 is, or what 3d8 is supposed to mean.”

“20-sided die and three eight-sided dice,” says Michael. “I’ve got a set.” He pauses, then reluctantly says, “I have too many sets.”

“How do you have too many dice sets?” says Rafael, with a snort of laughter.

\--

“Why the fuck do you have _so many dice_ ,” says Rafael, twenty minutes later, staring at the small mountain of dice on the carpet that Michael is still sorting through. Faith M. Whiskers is sniffing warily at one that’s rolled her way.

“No eating that,” says Jane, picking Faith up and setting her down somewhere sunny and away from Mt. Dice. “But also, seconded, why do you have so _much_?”

“You should’ve seen me in Montana, I had a bigger pile than this,” says Michael. He holds up a translucent die with 10 sides and says, “And I was playing a wizard who did way too much damage, that’s why. Does Mateo need a set? I can lend him a couple, easy.”

“Yeah, and me too,” says Jane, faintly, staring at the pile. “And—I think I need to do some research.”

\--

 **JANE:**  
Hey, Dad, do you know anyone who plays Dungeons and Dragons?

 **ROGELIO:**  
Of course!!  
In fact, I have played the game—Matthew Mercer himself invited me to play a few times on this little show he and his friends put together.  
Critical Role, I think?  
I was a very sexy tabaxi bard and got the killing blow in a boss fight.

 **JANE:**  
That’s the one with the Kickstarter, right?

 **ROGELIO:**  
Exactly!  
He also asked me to play the wickedly handsome Lord Briarwood in this little cartoon he and his friends made.

 **JANE:**  
Yeah, I remember, you showed me the clip where he got disintegrated by holy dicks.

 **ROGELIO:**  
And it was INCREDIBLE.  
Why did you ask?

 **JANE:**  
Mateo wants me to DM a game for him, Anna and Ellie, but I don’t really know the first thing about Dungeons and Dragons, so I was hoping I’d get some tips from someone who had played before. Especially as a DM.  
I’d ask Michael but he said he’d never tried being on that side of the screen.  
Can you ask your friend for tips?

 **ROGELIO:**  
Of course I can tweet him!!!  
Anything for you!  
Incidentally does this game have a slot free?

\--

 **JANE:**  
So my dad did play Dungeons and Dragons, on a live show where a bunch of people essentially just roll dice.

 **MICHAEL:**  
If this is Critical Role please stop texting me right now.  
I just made it to the Xhorhas arc in campaign 2 and I don’t want to know anything more beyond that.

 **JANE:**  
Yes??  
He said he was a tabaxi bard?  
What’s a Xhorhas?  
Dad passed on some advice from the guy in charge of the show, I wanted to check if it’s useful.

 **MICHAEL:**  
Shhhhhhh  
On the information I mean, not the advice.

 **JANE:**  
Apparently it just boiled down to “have fun and check in sometimes with your players”.

 **MICHAEL:**  
Pretty good start  
Hey btw, would Mateo mind if I joined up? I haven’t really played as much since I left Montana, I miss it.

 **JANE:**  
You’re picking him up today from karate, you can ask him yourself.

 **MICHAEL:**  
He said yes!

\--

 **MICHAEL:**  
You worked with MATT MERCER

 **ROGELIO:**  
Yes! He was very handsome and very kind, but also my poor bard almost died three times.  
His wife almost died FOUR times in one episode, Mercer has no mercy.

 **MICHAEL:**  
Okay 1. I don’t want to know ANYTHING I just made it to Xhorhas.  
And 2. Can you introduce me, I’m a huge fan

 **ROGELIO:**  
You watch Critical Role?  
Have you made it to my episodes yet?  
Wait, no, you’ve only gotten as far as the second Xhorhas arc

 **MICHAEL:**  
There’s another one???

\--

Jane buys her first set of dice, a few days afterwards. Michael doesn’t accompany her, so far as she knows he’s taken off to hang out with Rogelio, but Rafael drops her off and then picks her up in front of the store with a kiss.

“Mm, Raf,” says Jane, after they break apart on the sidewalk, “how’d you know about this store, anyway?”

“Coworker recommended it to me around the water cooler, after I mentioned Mateo was getting interested,” says Rafael, his hands still warm on her waist. “You find anything besides dice in there?”

“A _bunch_ more books,” says Jane. “And someone explained to me how the pyramid die worked, and I think I got hit on by a guy pretending to be a vampire.”

Rafael laughs, helplessly, resting his forehead against hers. “Please don’t dump us for Edward Cullen,” he says, lightly.

“I thought Twilight sucked, you and Michael have nothing to worry about,” says Jane, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss him again. “I also bought a bunch of minifigures. You know, just in case.”

“You’re really getting into this game,” says Rafael, letting go now so he can open the door for her.

“Yeah, well, Mateo’s been really excited about it,” says Jane, getting into the car and dumping her purchases at her feet. “I’m—I’m a little worried, honestly? I’m a published freaking _author_ , yeah, but this isn’t a book I’m writing by myself. What if I make a mistake?”

“It’s your first time,” says Rafael, matter-of-factly, sliding into the driver’s seat. “Everyone makes mistakes their first time—I almost crashed a car once learning to drive, I was pretty bad.” He rests a hand on the handbrake, but doesn’t push it back down just yet. “This is a lot more lenient than that, so don’t worry too much about it. Mateo will love it, whatever you do.”

“What about Anna and Ellie?” Jane asks.

“I have it on good authority that they’ll love it,” says Rafael. “They’re big fans of fantasy, this’ll be right up their alley.”

“It’s a pretty big rulebook,” says Jane, sinking into her seat. “And that’s just the Dungeon Master’s Guide—the other one, for the players, that’s probably way bigger. And I am so _new_ to this. I haven’t even watched anything with this game.”

“Well, neither have I,” says Rafael. He pauses, then smiles, that sweet, brilliant smile like he’s just realized something that’s been standing in front of him this whole time. “You know what? I’ll play with you.”

“Really?” says Jane, sitting up.

“Yeah, we’ll both be nervous newbies together,” says Rafael, leaning towards her. “Make mistakes together, even. It’ll be fun.”

Jane smiles, and says, “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

\--

 **RAFAEL:**  
Help me what’s a rogue??  
And what’s a cleric???

 **MICHAEL:**  
The rogue is the guy that usually picks locks, steals stuff and checks for traps, sneaky as hell, think assassins and spies like Black Widow. Our party rogue back in Montana saved my ass from so many traps, honestly. Probably the most fragile melee class.  
The cleric’s the guy that heals you in a fight and makes sure you don’t die forever. They’re good at turning back undead and keeping the party alive, and their magic’s divine in nature.  
Why?

 **RAFAEL:**  
So I talked to Jane and Mateo, and they both said one or both of us could play, because apparently they had a wizard, a gunslinger, and whatever a barbarian is, and they didn’t have either a rogue or a cleric.  
I’m leaning towards cleric, honestly. I’m doing research right now and it seems versatile.

 **MICHAEL:**  
Yeah, I actually already have a cleric lined up  
Why don’t you try being a rogue?  
You get less spells to keep track of

 **RAFAEL:**  
That’s not exactly a selling point.

 **MICHAEL:**  
You get to be James Bond.

 **RAFAEL:**  
I’m listening.

\--

 **Rogelio De La Vega!!!**  
_@RogelioDeLaVega_  
My daughter is going to DM her very first D&D session and I will be on it with the dashing Santos the tabaxi bard!! Not to worry, I will live tweet every moment! #JaneTheBestDMEver #TheReturnOfSantos

 **mollymeowk titleaf / CR SPOILERS**  
_@lesbiansantozz_  
Replying to @RogelioDeLaVega  
HOLY FUCK SANTOS IS BACK

 **shirtballs**  
_@HansNotDead_  
Replying to @RogelioDeLaVega  
is Xo gonna be playing with you and Jane if so may I suggest a Sexy Tiefling Wizard

 **Rogelio De La Vega!!!**  
_@RogelioDeLaVega_  
Replying to @HansNotDead, @RogelioDeLaVega  
She says she will take it under consideration! #RubyOfTheSeaMoveOver

\--

“Is there room in this game for one more?” says Petra, picking up the girls from the Villanueva-Solano-Cordero household. Anna and Ellie have already been herded into the car, and Mateo’s scampered off to help his dad and Michael paint little figurines, so that just leaves Jane to see Petra off.

“The—The Dungeons and Dragons game?” says Jane, caught off-guard. She’s been spending the whole day carefully, painstakingly assembling a miniature map of a tavern and a couple other important locations, because—well, go hard or go home, right? “Wait, you heard about that?”

“Of course I heard about it, it’s practically the only thing Anna and Ellie will talk about,” says Petra. “And I follow your father on Twitter too. Listen, ever since JR and I got married, I’ve been having a lot of free time, so I’m not so busy as to not come to this game. Unless you plan to make it a regular thing? Maybe stream it?”

“I don’t know,” says Jane, resting against the doorway. “I mean, it could just be one game, it really depends on how Mateo and Anna and Ellie feel about it. And I’m not planning to _stream it_ , that’s a lot for my first time.”

“Fair,” says Petra. Then she pauses, and sighs. “I suppose if this is your first time—”

“You can come,” says Jane, giving her a smile. “I don’t mind. You’re like a sister to me, I would absolutely welcome you coming by to play a game with Mateo.”

“Great,” says Petra. “Who do you have in your party, right now?”

\--

“So that’s eight people in the party,” says Jane, halfway through a mais con hielo, as she and Michael walk down the street, “Mateo, Ellie, Anna, you, Rafael, Mom, Dad and Petra, and between the eight of you that’s—two wizards, a gunslinger, a barbarian, a cleric, a rogue, a bard and whatever Petra decides to pick. Is that a good make-up?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” says Michael, a quarter of the way through his smoothie, “although I’d appreciate a backup healer.”

“You could’ve just gone with rogue,” Jane points out.

“And almost die every other fight?” Michael says, with a snort of laughter. “No thanks, I’d rather have the ability to heal myself.” He bumps her shoulder, companionably, and kisses her cheek. “Figured out where you’re setting the story yet?”

“Definitely not Barovia,” says Jane, shuddering. “And probably not anywhere that’s already been established. I’m thinking—something like a telenovela?” She pauses, then sighs. “Except Dad’s showing up with his old character, and I don’t know if he wants to keep going with what he had on that show or not—hey, don’t give me that look! I’m being as vague as possible!”

“Sorry, sorry,” says Michael, hurriedly taking a sip of his smoothie and tugging his phone out of his pocket. “I’m gonna ask him to start fresh with Santos, or at least just. Not talk at all about whatever happened.” Then he pauses, and glances over at Jane. “What level are we starting at?” he asks.

“Level 3,” says Jane.

“Do I get any more details?” Michael asks, nudging her side.

Jane laughs, and shakes her head. “I’ve already told you way too much about what I’m planning,” she says. “Just send me details some time in the next week, and I’ll set up a group chat.”

\--

**Group chat: BROGELIOS**

__**Rogelio de la Vega** changed **Rogelio de la Vega** ’s name to **BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!**  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** changed **Rafael Solano** ’s name to **Raf the Brave**.  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** changed **Michael Jason Cordero** ’s name to **Cleric Jason Bourne**. 

_**Cleric Jason Bourne** changed **Cleric Jason Bourne** ’s name to **still in Xhorhas no spoilers**._

**Raf the Brave** what the fuck even is Xhorhas???  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** eternal night and hot drow elves as far as I can tell  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** BROGELIOS!!!!! Have we figured out characters yet?  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** I of course will be playing Santos. A level three version who will not be mentioning his adventures with the Mighty Nein as a courtesy to Michael.  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** thank you  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** But I guarantee you that you will absolutely cry when you hit my episodes.  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** I’ll keep that in mind  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** also Jane told me we’re probably doing a telenovela thing so I’m upping the tragic backstory a notch  
**Raf the Brave** I claim dibs on the screwed-up rich family where everyone is either dead or corrupt in some way  
**Raf the Brave** I’m the tragically dead but actually amnesiac wife  
**Raf the Brave** I also claim dibs on the amnesia  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** hey no fair I’ve got that in my character sheet already  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** So do I!!! That’s how I’m justifying Santos not being Level 16 like he was when he first met the Mighty Nein in Shady Creek Run!!  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** oh god did they visit Molly’s grave  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** DON’T ANSWER THAT THAT’S RHETORICAL  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** Oh, he was already gone from the grave by then, finding him was a major plot point.  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** OH SHIT I AM SO SORRY I DIDN’T SEE THE NEXT REPLY  
**Raf the Brave** I just heard a scream from the garage  
**Raf the Brave** I’m guessing that’s Michael  
**Raf the Brave** we’ll be back in a moment, Rogelio, I need to check on my boyfriend first

_**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** changed the group chat’s name to **AMNESIA BUDDIES**._

**Raf the Brave** Jane is going to laugh at us when we show up and we’re all amnesiacs  
**Raf the Brave** Michael can you take the revenge plot instead?  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** no  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** I’m in recovery no one touch me  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** I can take the revenge plot!! But the amnesia is staying.  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** speaking from experience as a former amnesiac who are you even going to take revenge on when you don’t remember anything


	2. healing word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spell description:  
> "A creature of your choice that you can see within range regains hit points equal to 1d4 + your spellcasting ability modifier.  
> This spell has no effect on undead or constructs.
> 
> At higher levels: When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, the healing increases by 1d4 for each slot level above 1st."

“I’m going to make a really awesome wizard,” says Mateo, as Jane’s driving him back home from karate lessons. “And all his family’s gonna be alive, because Anna and Ellie are already going to be playing with backstories that have dead parents.”

“That’s nice,” says Jane, slowing the car down near the intersection as the light changes over to red. “Anything else?”

“He’s gonna have a really cute puppy for a familiar,” says Mateo.

“Aww, that’s incredible,” says Jane. “Like Bo?”

“Nah, a pitbull,” says Mateo. “Because they’re really cute and really sweet but if you get them really angry they bite super hard!” He imitates a growl, and Jane laughs, pulling the handbrake up. “And he’s going to be studying to become the very best wizard there is, too.”

“Is there anyone in his family he doesn’t like?” Jane asks, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. “People he maybe disagrees with? Or what about people he loves, off on their own adventures?”

Mateo kicks his feet up and hums. “I think he’s got an evil twin brother,” he ventures. “And _he’s_ trying to, um, un-der-mine everything his good brother’s working for. Because he’s jealous people like his brother better.”

“That’s a good start,” says Jane, easing the car forward as the light turns green. “Why’d your guy get into magic?”

“He wants to help people! Because—oh! Because his dad was a _knight_ , before he settled down and got married to his mom, who was a poet!” Mateo’s off on a roll now, and Jane smiles as he starts talking about his character’s family, sketching out a whole new life just by himself. She dares a glance at him and catches the twinkle in his eye, and smiles before she gets going once more.

\--

“So give me a hint here,” says Xo, chopping up vegetables as Jane scribbles out a world on legal paper, “what kind of world are we in for? _Game of Thrones_? _Tiago_? _Martin Rivas_? Just give me a name here.”

“Mom!” laughs Jane. “I’m actually still figuring it out. I’m definitely not going to go super into GOT territory, that’s just—way too far, especially for Mateo, Anna and Ellie.” She looks down at the details she’s already worked out of her world: _RIVAS_ , she’s written across the top. There are continents, cultures, landmarks and NPCs, now—but she still needs a plotline.

She probably can’t just borrow wholesale from her real life, like she could in her novels. Everyone she’ll be playing with has been through a lot of her life’s convoluted weirdness with her, they’ll wise up fast.

Only—

Hm. Maybe she could remix. Maybe she could play with their expectations.

“I’m thinking something closer to the turn of the 20th century,” she says, tapping her fingers on the table. “I know medieval fantasy’s the usual kind of game that’s played, but I have this really clear image of a fight on top of a steam-powered train and I _really_ want to get that in so badly. _So_ badly.”

“Oh my god, I definitely want in on that,” says Xo, with a bright grin as she dumps out the vegetables into a pot, stirring them together. “So, hey, thanks, I’ve got an idea for my tiefling wizard now—she’s a train conductor, working on building up enough money so she can start her very own magic school.”

“That works!” says Jane. “Hey, where are her parents?”

“They’re both dead,” says Xo, after a moment spent in deep thought. “Her sister’s still alive, but they don’t really talk a whole lot, they disagreed pretty majorly on a couple of things, so she left home—with her boyfriend, actually! Because she wanted to get married.” She snaps her fingers, as if something just occurred to her, and says, “And she broke with her sister over that, because her sister was secretly in love with her fiancé!”

“Have you told Abuela that you’re going to be playing her yet?” Jane asks, propping her chin up on her hand as she writes a new heading: _Player Backstory Characters_. Underneath, she writes: _Tiefling Wizard’s Sister, Definitely Not Aunt Cece_.

“Who said I’m playing my mom?” says Xo, snorting out a laugh. Then she pauses. “Oh my god. I’m _playing my mom_.”

\--

**Group chat: AMNESIA BUDDIES**

**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** by popular demand (mostly from Rogelio)

_**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** has uploaded a file: **GuideToPlayingAnAmnesiacByAnActualAmnesiac.pdf**_

**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** I SHALL TREASURE THIS FOREVER  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** wait why can I not have a revenge storyline  
**Raf the Brave** no fair, Michael, let the man have his revenge plot  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** I’m not stopping anyone from having their revenge plot, I’m just saying, I didn’t spend four years in Montana trying to find out who I was so I could track down the person responsible for my amnesia  
**BARD EL PRESIDENTE!!** But what if your last clear memory was of that person?? Would you not at least have some questions for her???  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** she literally was  
**Raf the Brave** Michael, look me in the eye and tell me there’s no one in Montana you wouldn’t deck if you had half a chance because of some petty-ass reason  
**still in Xhorhas no spoilers** point made, there’s a man in Montana who still owes me ten dollars

\--

 **PETRA:**  
I’m going to play a human monk.

 **JANE:**  
Great!!  
Hey, what’s your backstory and who are the major characters in it?  
I need it for Reasons.

 **PETRA:**  
I haven’t worked that out yet.  
Give me a day or two, I’ve been busy with shareholders’ meetings lately.

 **JANE:**  
Sure, no pressure. I still need to figure out when everyone’s free anyway.  
And do lots of research.

 **PETRA:**  
Good luck.  
Can you send some articles re: monks my way? And whatever this “Unearthed Arcana” Ellie keeps talking about is.

 **JANE:**  
Is that a book?

\--

“You are such a nerd,” says JR that night, her arms warm around Petra’s neck as she leans in close, resting her chin on Petra’s shoulder. This close, Petra can barely keep her concentration on the papers in front of her, and she huffs out a soft laugh as she turns to press a kiss to her wife’s cheek. “I hear you’re playing a monk now.”

“And a good evening to you too,” she says, putting her pen down for the moment and turning to look JR in the eye. In the soft yellow lamplight, she looks incredibly hot. “Weren’t you the one who made me sit with her through that comic book movie, with one of those Chrises?”

“There’s a lot of those, so you’ll have to more specific,” says JR, kissing her back. “Anna and Ellie are pretty excited about it, they’ve been telling me how cool you’d be as a monk for hours. Need some help?”

“Yeah,” says Petra, with a sigh, gently shoving JR away so she can push a chair out for her. “Jane’s starting us off at Level 3, and I did some research and—it turns out every class has _subclasses_ , apparently. I’m weighing the pros and cons for each path, but honestly I’m still torn—you do know what I’m talking about, right?”

“It just so happens that you came to the right person,” says JR, cracking her knuckles and picking up a printout. “I played D&D back in high school, actually—it was a different edition back then, but I’ve got the gist of the game. Plus, I listen to podcasts at work, so I’m not a stranger to fifth edition either.”

How the hell did Petra get this lucky? “Did you ever play a monk?” she asks.

“Nah, but I played with a couple, and I’ve seen a few being played here and there,” says JR, her eyes scanning over the printout. “First off, dexterity and wisdom are your highest scores as a monk, but don’t let constitution go any lower than 12. Poison’s a thing you have to contend with in D&D, and it helps to have a boost.” She drums her fingers on the table, and says, “Second, honestly, it depends on what you want to do as a monk.”

Petra sighs, scratches the back of her neck. “Knowing Jane,” she says, “she’ll probably put together a storyline based off what actually happened to us. So, I don’t know, I just—I want to be the kind of person who made better decisions. I want to be—god, upright, forthright, _honest_ , the way I wasn’t.” She twirls a lock of blonde hair around her finger and says, “I just don’t know what path to take, for that.”

“Sun Soul,” says JR, putting the printout back down and taking Petra’s hand. “I think that suits you and what you want pretty well—they’re really good at harnessing light and using it to kick ass and take names. You could conceivably throw a spear made of _light_ at something, how great would that be?”

Petra smiles, and dips her head just enough to press a kiss to JR’s knuckles. “That would be a pretty good visual,” she admits, with a smile. “So—Sun Soul it is.”

\--

 **JANE:**  
Don’t forget to pick up the milk on the way home!  
Michael’s at the hardware store so you don’t have to worry about the ceiling light. We’ll have it fixed in no time.  
Inhala, exhala! You can get this deal.

 **RAFAEL:**  
Just sealed the deal! Thank god, I never thought that would end.  
Milk’s been picked up btw.  
You guys okay?

 **JANE:**  
We’re fine! Ceiling light is fixed now, we just need a bigger table.

 **RAFAEL:**  
What’s wrong with our table? All three of us and Mateo can fit it just fine.

**JANE:**  
All three of us + Mateo + Petra and her kids + Mom + Dad are going to be here, with dice, sheets, drinks and food.  
What if somebody accidentally knocks something over into a character sheet? 

**RAFAEL:**  
Point made, I’ll go talk to Petra. 

**JANE:**  
Ask if she’s willing to part with the fancy mahogany one!! 

\--

When Jane, Michael and Rafael had started seriously looking into moving somewhere that could fit three adults and a child, they’d put a list of non-negotiables together—things that the house absolutely, positively needed to have. Jane’s had been a place she could write in and enough space for her books. Mateo’s had been a big room all to himself. Rafael’s had been a big enough bed for three people to sleep in comfortably without somebody falling off, because he tended to sleep on the outside and had fallen off the bed enough times to have a real concern for his health. 

Michael had the following: space for his dog and his cat, and a place he could escape to for some fresh air. 

It’s no wonder, then, that when Jane wakes up to Michael’s side of the bed being cold, she kisses a sleeping Rafael on the temple and goes to find her first husband out on the porch, watching the sun rise. 

“Hey,” she says, pressing a kiss to Michael’s cheek. “Did you have a nightmare?” 

Michael turns his head to kiss her back. “Yeah,” he says, when he breaks away, leaning on the marble railing. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“It’s a Rose nightmare,” is all he says, and Jane decides not to pry any further. They’ve all had Rose nightmares, even Jane herself, but Michael gets them more frequently than her and Rafael combined. She’s not really surprised—Rose had been the one to shock his memory out of him bit by bit, and what few details he’s offered up don’t paint a pretty picture of his captivity. 

So Jane simply rests her hand on his, and leans her head on his shoulder. 

He says, after a long, long silence, “There was a—We’d turn the ranch into a haunted house every Halloween, let the kids walk through, scare ‘em a bit. I dreamed—I was walking through it, like I was doing the usual safety check, but I knew somehow I wasn’t safe and Rose was in there, waiting for me, and I wanted to walk out but then I heard you and Rafael, and I just.” He stops, sucks in an unsteady breath, and says, “I couldn’t walk away. I knew she was going to do to you what she did to me.” 

Jane squeezes his hand tight, and says, “We’re here. She isn’t. It’s not going to happen. We’re safe, Michael, we’re okay.” She leans up to press a kiss to his lips, her hands drifting up to frame his face. “We’re okay, and you’re okay.” 

“I know,” says Michael, his hands on her waist, holding her close like he’s scared to let go of her. “I know, I know.” And he pulls her into a hug, burying his face into the side of her neck. She wraps her arms around him, feeling him trembling. 

The door creaks open again. Rafael raps a knuckle against the doorframe, catching Jane’s attention, and says, “Am I—” 

Jane reaches a hand out and says, softly, “Come here.” 

Rafael hesitates a moment, then steps closer. Michael loosens his grip on Jane to pull Rafael in, and seems almost to collapse into their arms once he’s got a tight grip on the both of them. 

The sun rises, beyond their porch. 

\-- 

_**Jane Villanueva** created the new group **Family D &D Night!!**_

_**Jane Villanueva** invited **Michael Jason Cordero, Rafael Solano, Petra Solano, Rogelio de la Vega, and Xiomara Villanueva** to **Family D &D Night!!**_

_**Rogelio de la Vega** changed his name to **Rogelio de la Vega!!!**_

**Rogelio de la Vega!!!** Hear me out: we should all call ourselves the Sant-whos  
**Xiomara Villanueva** We’re not all amnesiacs hon  
**Michael Jason Cordero** Thank god, I left the flash drive with the file on it at home  
**Jane Villanueva** When’s everyone free?  
**Jane Villanueva** Mateo has summer karate lessons Monday-Wednesday-Friday till four  
**Petra Solano** The girls have ballet lessons Tuesdays and Thursdays and karate lessons MWF until 3 PM  
**Petra Solano** And I’ll e-mail you a copy of my schedule  
**Rogelio de la Vega!!!** I’m halfway through filming the fourth season of Passions of Steve and Brenda so I can’t do weekdays and I may need to do reshoots on weekends but I will let you know if I have reshoots!!  
**Rafael Solano** Hey, I’m on lunch break, I’m not free this week, I’m lead agent on the old Ruiz house  
**Rafael Solano** But I can do next week Friday-Tuesday and I’ve usually got the weekends off after therapy in the morning  
**Xiomara Villanueva** I’m teaching dance lessons every day but I’ve got just one class on Saturdays  
**Michael Jason Cordero** I’ve got to start tracking someone down so I can serve them a subpoena but I’ll be done by Friday  
**Rafael Solano** Where are you right now anyway? I can see your car.  
**Michael Jason Cordero** Food truck  
**Jane Villanueva** I actually can’t do this weekend, I told Kathy from the bar I’d pick up her shift so she could pick her sister up from the airport  
**Jane Villanueva** But if everyone can send me their schedules for the next two weeks or so I can find a day we’re all available! 

\-- 

“Is that a cubano?” says Michael, as Rafael pulls up the stool right beside him. “Pretty sure I told you those weren’t for me anymore.” 

“Just try it,” Rafael says, biting into his own sandwich, “or Bo’s getting it.” 

“Stop spoiling my dog,” says Michael, gently nudging Bo’s head away from Rafael and his cubanos. “He already thinks you’re always going to bring him food, you’re gonna build his expectations to unrealistic levels.” 

“But I _do_ always bring him food,” says Rafael. He leans down and says, “Isn’t that right, Bo? I always get you and your dad food!” 

“You always bribe him is what you do,” says Michael, huffing out a laugh as a plate of frittatas slides across the counter to him. “I know you finished the Ruiz deal, but how’s the Cruz house going?” 

“Kinda slow-going, but getting there,” says Rafael, waving his sandwich around. “How’s stalking people around town going?” 

“I _barely_ did that this week,” Michael huffs. “I’m just trying to find this one guy, he got subpoenaed and I have this funny feeling he went underground. I’m planning to talk to Dennis later, see if he can tell me anything.” 

“Think he will?” Rafael asks, putting the excess cubano deliberately between them, where Bo can see and smell it. Sure enough, Bo barks, sitting up and panting. 

“I already fed you half a sandwich,” Michael huffs at Bo, but goddammit, he’s always been a sucker for this dog, so he takes the cubano and lets Bo tear it to pieces. To Rafael, he says, “Unless there’s an ongoing police investigation, I’m pretty sure he’ll tell me. And if there is, I’m a PI, I can manage.” He takes a bite of his lunch, and adds, “Also, did you _finally_ manage to not work with that Escudero asshole?” 

“I _wish_ ,” says Rafael, shaking his head. “No, he muscled onto the team, so now I’ve got to put up with his ‘helpful suggestions’. You ask me, I think whenever he says anything actually helpful, he’s just rephrasing whatever Brandt says. The rest of the time?” He rolls his eyes upwards, and sighs. “I don’t know _how_ he still has a job.” 

“Nepotism,” Michael says. 

“Yeah, true,” says Rafael, contemplative. “Apparently he used to play D&D with one of the senior agents—he overheard me talking about Jane’s game at the water cooler and told us about this time he broke his friend’s campaign by figuring out who the bad guy was in the third session and throwing a fireball at him.” 

Michael winces, in answer. “Poor bastard,” he says. 

“Who, Escudero?” 

“No, his DM.” He shakes his head with a sigh. “Poor bastard. What did they do?” 

“Y’know, he didn’t say, he was just going on about how badass it was,” says Rafael, reflectively. “But I’m going to guess just tossing a weapon at someone because you figured out they were a bad guy is a bad idea, huh.” 

“You the _player_ figured it out,” says Michael, distantly, remembering a quiet night sitting on the ranch’s fence with a bottle of whiskey and a good friend, “but that don’t mean you the _character_ did.” He takes another bite, chews, and swallows before he says, clawing back out of the mists of memory, “Anyway, Jane definitely wouldn’t appreciate it if someone pulled that on her. You _know_ how hard she works on her stories.” 

“Got it, got it,” says Rafael. “Don’t break the DM’s storyline.” 

“More like _no breaking the DM’s storyline without good reason from your character_ ,” says Michael. Then he pauses. “How much time have you got on your lunch break?” he asks. 

“About twenty minutes,” says Rafael. 

Michael tugs his phone out of his pocket, and says, “I took a page out of Jane’s book and put a slideshow together about game etiquette…” 

“Oh, god,” says Rafael, sinking into his seat. 

\-- 

**To:** janegvillanueva2014@gmail.com  
**From:** psolano@hotelmarbella.com  
**Subject:** scheduling  
**Attachments:** petraschedulemay2022.pdf 

Jane, 

Here’s my schedule. Note that this can be subject to revision at any time, investors can and have cancelled and rescheduled meetings on me. Also, tell Rafael that I know he’s been discreetly feeding the twins cookies past their bedtime. They’ve gotten too used to it. 

Petra 

**To:** psolano@hotelmarbella.com  
**From:** janegvillanueva2014@gmail.com  
**Subject:** re: scheduling 

I thought somebody had been sneaking Mateo cookies! I just thought it was Michael. 

Also, holy crap, Petra, why are all your lunches meetings? 

And isn’t there some way you can take some of the Saturday after this week off? It looks like it’s just a whole black box, and that’s one of my free weekends. 

**To:** janegvillanueva2014@gmail.com  
**From:** psolano@hotelmarbella.com  
**Subject:** re: re: scheduling 

Jane, 

The black box denotes my private time with my wife. 

Petra 

**To:** psolano@hotelmarbella.com  
**From:** janegvillanueva2014@gmail.com  
**Subject:** re: re: re: scheduling 

You know what? I’m just not gonna ask what you guys have planned. Have fun! 

But send me your backstory ASAP! 

\-- 

**ROGELIO:**  
So what do you think??? 

**JANE:**  
How do you, Michael, and Rafael all have amnesia???? 

**ROGELIO:**  
Great minds think alike!! 


	3. chaos bolt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spell description:
> 
> "You hurl an undulating, warbling mass of chaotic energy at one creature in range. Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On a hit, the target takes 2d8 + 1d6 damage. Choose one of the dSs. The number rolled on that die determines the attacks damage type, as shown below.  
> d8 / Damage Type  
> 1 / Acid  
> 2 / Cold  
> 3 / Fire  
> 4 / Force  
> 5 / Lightning  
> 6 / Poison  
> 7 / Psychic  
> 8 / Thunder  
> If you roll the same number on both d8s, the chaotic energy leaps from the target to a different creature of your choice within 30 feet of it. Make a new attack roll against the new target, and make a new damage roll, which could cause the chaotic energy to leap again. A creature can be targeted only once by each casting of this spell.
> 
> At higher levels: When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 2nd level or higher, each target takes 1d6 extra damage of the type rolled for each slot level above 1st."

Marlene sips at her iced latte and says, “So you’re running a D&D game?”

“I’m also writing the new novel I was talking about last time,” says Jane. “I worked out a schedule so I’m not just letting my novel fall by the wayside, and now I’m just waiting on everyone in the game to send me schedules and backstories.”

“Good, your story sounds pretty good already,” says Marlene. “My only gripe with your current draft is that the amnesia trope’s a little—formulaic, and it gets resolved a little too quickly.” She taps the quick outline that Jane’s written out for the novel, and says, “I do like that I get a sense of both the character’s past and present selves with how you contrasted them against each other. I _don’t_ think he should just snap back to who he was before immediately—he’s lived an entirely different life and has different priorities, he wouldn’t just forget that.”

Which had been true enough from Jane’s personal experience, honestly. Even years on, Michael hasn’t sanded off the Southern twang to his voice, and he generally speaks slower than before. It’s just, well, she’s been a little bit impatient to get to the good part, the meat of the story. But she writes that note down in her notebook anyway.

“Also, I’m a little concerned,” Marlene continues, “about how you’re setting up this threesome. At this point, I don’t exactly find your other love interest sympathetic—I get that he’s a bad boy, and I get that he’s lashing out because of deep-seated trauma. The problem is that all I’ve seen on the page is him lashing out.”

“Yeah, it messed Rafael up too before we figured this thing out,” Jane says. “But he _does_ have some sympathetic scenes, like the one with the daughter—”

“Where they both lash out at the protagonist,” says Marlene. “Again: I get it. He’s been hurt before and he doesn’t want to go through it again. But if you want people to be invested in a three-person relationship where one party starts out antagonistic to the other two, you’re going to need to _really_ work to sell it to your readers.” She taps the draft with her well-manicured finger and says, “As things stand right now, I honestly can’t root for a polyamorous relationship.”

Jane sighs. “So, okay, some flashback scenes to when they were a happier couple?” she says.

“Could work,” says Marlene. “He could also get involved in a non-romantic plotline—he owns a place that doubles as a speakeasy and doesn’t realize it, okay, that’s a pretty good line. Then he finds out, but how? Does he look at the books one day? Why hasn’t he looked at them before, and what would make him look now? He panics, we know that, but what drives him to that point?”

All good questions that Jane is writing down right now. Already she’s putting a mystery together in her head, imagining a man in a rumpled suit, narrowing his eyes at the bookkeeper’s accounts. He looks up at her with Rafael’s dark eyes and says, _Well, why am I looking at these accounts? I could be doing literally anything else, at this very moment, like trying to woo my lover back._

Jane’s just finished the answer when Marlene says, somewhat fondly, “You know, when I was a kid, I always wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons.”

“Really?” Jane asks.

“Yeah,” Marlene says. Her tone turns dry as dust when she adds, “Of course no one wanted a girl at their gaming table, so I never did get around to it.”

Oh, god, if she asks to join Jane’s table—

“Don’t worry, I already have a group,” says Marlene, and Jane relaxes. “Things have changed since then, and there’s quite a lot more girls at the table. It can be very rewarding, playing the game, but demanding too.”

“I can balance it with my novel just fine,” says Jane. “Hell, I’m even way ahead with the novel. Everyone’s still figuring out backstories, abilities, motivations, and I’ve just been writing in the meantime.” Since there’s not much else to do—she’s already built the world and culture and most of the NPCs. Which was _hard work_ , by the way.

“It’s not the balance I’m worried about,” says Marlene. “Your party’s eight people, right? Eight people can be a lot to guide along for someone who’s new to D&D.”

“I _know_ , I know,” says Jane, “but only two of them have ever played before, so.” She musters up a smile, before stifling a yawn. “At least we’re all fumbling along together?”

“Yeah,” says Marlene, “but I think I might know a way to make the fumbling a little bit easier.” She sticks her tongue out of the side of her mouth, as if thinking over the best way to phrase her advice, before she says, “Break the party up before they join together. Have a few small sessions where you play with just a few of the players, to get your toes wet and get a measure of them and how they play. Think of those sessions as prologues, focused on a character or a pair or even a trio—how do you get them to chapter one of their story?”

How, indeed.

\--

**Group chat: Family D &D Night!!**

**Jane Villanueva** hey so bad news, I got everyone’s schedules and the next two weeks are not possible for all eight of us :(  
 **Jane Villanueva** (also Dad please get Melissa Fumero’s autograph for me I loved her on B99)  
 **Jane Villanueva** (I can’t even be mad she’s flying down here to shoot new scenes on your show!!)  
 **Rogelio De La Vega!!!** of COURSE she is a TREASURE  
 **Jane Villanueva** BUT I did get some advice from Marlene and she said to break the party up into smaller groups that met before the first session with everyone onboard.  
 **Jane Villanueva** so who’s got some free time next week Tuesday afternoon while the kids are out?  
 **Petra Solano** Just me, Dominguez cancelled.  
 **Xiomara Villanueva** Me!  
 **Jane Villanueva** bring your dice and your character sheets!

\--

**PETRA:**  
So who are you playing?

**XIOMARA:**  
Excited, aren’t we?  
Albanita the tiefling wizard and train conductor.

**PETRA:**  
Jane has trains in Dungeons & Dragons?

**XIOMARA:**  
She said she had a very specific image in mind, and besides, the last time I was near a horse it kicked me pretty hard.  
Didn’t she already send you the PDF?

**PETRA:**  
Fair point, I’m opening it right now.  
Wow, she is really leaning into this steampunk angle.

**XIOMARA:**  
I have no idea what “steampunk” is.  
What about you? I showed you mine, show me yours, etc etc.

**PETRA:**  
Payton the human monk.

**XIOMARA:**  
Payton? Really?

**PETRA:**  
It was the first thing I could think of!  
You named yours after your mother!

**XIOMARA:**  
Blame Jane, she said she reminded her of Mom!  
Also you don’t have to keep texting me, I can see you and your wife having a moment from right across the street.

\--

**JR:**  
I love you hon.  
Don’t die!

**PETRA:**  
I love you too!  
I won’t.

\--

_Albanita and Payton meet in a tavern._

_The Broken Bell, to be exact: just one of the many taverns that have sprung up around this particular station, a place for travelers to rest their weary heads for a little while longer, before they have to catch the train in the morning. Like any other tavern, it’s rustic and homey in an artificial, idealized way, because the proprietor learned long ago that people slept better if they were reminded of an idealized version of home, with the smell of good food wafting through the floorboards and the warmth of a soft bed waiting for someone to flop right into it. Like any other tavern, it has a place where travelers can refresh themselves, quench their thirsts, eat and be merry or morose._

_Albanita, a tiefling with red skin and eyes like molten silver, complementing her grey conductor’s uniform, isn’t interested in a bed, at the moment. What she is interested in is the plate of warm, delicious-smelling soup in front of her, just the perfect recipe for getting through a trying day on the train._

_She’s about to take her first sip when the door swings open again, and a young woman with chin-length dark hair and green eyes stumbles into the inn, tugging the hood of her cloak down. She looks around, and Albanita steadfastly looks away from her._

_She walks up next to Albanita and says, in a soft voice, “Do you know where I can find the Sotto manor? There’s someone I’ve been looking for who apparently lives there.”_

“Would I know where the Sotto manor is?” Xiomara asks. “I mean, I’m a train conductor, isn’t that kind of my thing?”

“It’s not near the tracks,” Jane says, “so—how about rolling an intelligence check for me? Roll the twenty-sided die,” that she’s pretty sure Michael lent out since he’s got such a terrifyingly huge collection, “and add your intelligence modifier.”

“Do I at least get advantage?” Xiomara wheedles. “Because I’ve been all over the place.”

“Do you still remember that club you took me to for my bachelorette party?” Jane asks, and takes a sip of iced tea as her mother lets out a resigned sigh. “Yeah, no, you don’t get advantage. Sorry.”

“I looked up feats before I got here, you could take Keen Mind,” says Petra, munching on an orange slice.

“What are you talking about?” says Xiomara, before rolling the dice. She looks down, and says, “Ones are bad, right?”

Petra almost chokes on her orange slice.

“You have no idea what a manor even is at the moment,” says Jane, after a moment spent attempting to collect herself. “Actually you’re pretty sure it’s a food? Or a craft beer?”

_“That’s the beer, right?” says the tiefling, after a moment spent in deep contemplation._

_“Nnnnno,” says Payton, deeply doubting her own decision to come here, to this town, to this bar, to this woman. “That’s the Socco beer. I mean the Sotto manor. It’s a few miles out of town, and I have to check on a friend of mine who works there.”_

_“Who’s this friend of yours?” asks the tiefling._

_“A halfling woman named Harriet.”_

_The tiefling’s eyes grow wide, and her chair skids back, scraping across the wooden floor. “I know Harriet!” she says. “She’s one of the other conductors, she mentioned she’d taken a part-time job—what happened?”_

_“I don’t know,” says Payton. “Her last letter was strange to say the least. I don’t suppose you have any idea?”_

_“No, but now that you mention it?” The tiefling runs a hand through her windswept hair and says, “She’s been acting really weird lately too, but I wasn’t sure what was going on either. I figured she’d been broken up with, or something.”_

_“Or something,” Payton echoes, thinking of all the things that could ensnare a young woman, working in a manor as storied and terrible as the Sotto manor. All the things Payton isn’t sure she can handle herself. “How good are you in a fight?” she asks._

_The tiefling smiles, showing teeth, and says, “Very, very good.”_

\--

**MICHAEL:**  
You will not believe who I just saw leaving the last known location of the guy I’m supposed to serve a subpoena to  
[image attached: _escuderoyourat.png_ ]

**RAFAEL:**  
Oh my GOD.  
I’m not even surprised honestly, I always thought he was up to something. I’m so glad to feel so validated.  
How’s the subpoena-serving going besides that?

**MICHAEL:**  
How’s your therapy going?  
Because worse than.  
I’ve been sitting in the car for two hours and that’s the most exciting thing that’s happened

**RAFAEL:**  
You poor baby PI  
And therapy went fine, although every time I get an assignment from Dr. Lynch I feel like I’m in high school again.  
Checked on Jane’s game yet?

**MICHAEL:**  
She’s running it with Xo and Petra and when I last texted her she sent back a square box

**RAFAEL:**  
Update your damn phone  
How long has it been since you updated it??

**MICHAEL:**  
It works just fine now though?  
Uhhhh, since I came back, so it’s been about three years

**RAFAEL:**  
I know where you keep your phone, if you don’t do it I will

\--

**ROGELIO:**  
Do you three need anything???  
Snacks?? Drinks??

**XIOMARA:**  
babe give me an hour we’re in a demon-infested mansion

**ROGELIO:**  
DIOS MIO  
ALREADY????  
Please do not die mi amor!!!!

\--

_The last demon gives a horrible howl as a translucent, skeletal hand claws at its neck, tearing its throat into bloody pieces. The blood fountains up onto the ceiling—_

“Mom!”

“Okay, okay, sorry. I watched too many horror movies last night.”

“Why don’t you let me describe—”

_The last demon gives a horrible howl as a translucent, skeletal hand punches it right in the face. It collapses like a puppet with cut strings, its body melting like ice cream on a summer day as it expires._

“That’s sort of better,” says Petra, “but also, ew.” She pushes a bowl of popcorn away from character sheet, as Xiomara turns to look at her, the bridge of her nose scrunching up in shock.

“You punched the last one to death,” she says.

“I regret letting you guys describe the killing blows,” says Jane, feeling a little bit queasy. Okay, she’s definitely not taking that bit into the next session she has. “Anyway—”

_Payton prods the broken chandelier with the blunt end of her spear, and looks up to take in the grand entrance hall around her and Albanita: once grand and splendidly decorated, it now has been corrupted into a shadow of its former self. The curtains are torn apart, the paintings that hung along the walls are slashed all to pieces, the blood spatter below and on the paintings and the curtains is fresher than either of them would like. The staircase’s railing is a broken, jagged thing, more splinters of wood jutting up than an actual railing._

_Albanita looks around, squinting as she searches for the telltale signs of more demonic activity. Perhaps even where it’s coming from—if she can find that, maybe they can end this. Maybe they can rescue Harriet. She hopes they can rescue Harriet._

“Okay, make a—perception check? Yeah, perception check. Roll a d20, add your Wisdom modifier. Double the modifier if you’re proficient in perception.”

“I’m not,” says Xiomara, cursing the lack of foresight she’d put into proficiencies. Then she shakes the die in her hand, mutters, “Come on, come on,” and tosses it into her tray. “Okay, okay, that’s—fourteen, plus two, so sixteen!”

_“Hey,” says Albanita, catching sight of a pulsing glow, seeping out from the cracks of a closed door on the floor above them. “Payton? Think I found something.”_

_“That’s definitely worrying,” says Payton, leaning on her spear. She looks over at Albanita and frowns at her wounds, stepping closer to nudge at her elbow. “I have a potion, and I honestly don’t want to go up there with you this close to collapsing. Who knows what we’re going to find up there?”_

_“Like Harriet?” Albanita says. “I’m fine. Really. I’m at half my HP.”_

_“How much did you have?”_

_“...about 31 at the start of this?”_

( _Way to ruin the immersion there!_ )

_Payton shoves the potion into Albanita’s hand. “Take it,” she more or less orders her, and Albanita uncorks it and chugs, unwilling to argue any further. “I already had the extra earlier, so we’re out. Stay far away from the fight and we’ll make it out alive.” She pauses. “Probably.”_

“We are going to make it out of this fight alive,” Petra says, “right?”

Jane glances at the sheets behind her screens, and hastily knocks hit points off the final boss of the mansion. No sense in getting either her mom or Petra killed in their very first session.

“Maybe,” she says.

\--

**RAFAEL:**  
You did NOT

**MICHAEL:**  
I did!!  
The boys bought me a whole six-pack of beer after that, which was worth the concussion and the scrapes I got when the damn stallion tried to drag me around.

**RAFAEL:**  
I thought the one with the rattlesnake was insane already  
How are you not dead??

**MICHAEL:**  
No idea.  
Okay your turn, entertain me while I wait for the guy to come back home

**RAFAEL:**  
One time I tried to impress a girl by bungee-jumping off a cliff, but then the cord snapped and I broke a leg.  
She broke up with me in the hospital, we were both crying.

**MICHAEL:**  
How are you not dead??  
Also, wow, that sucks.  
What happened to her after that?

**RAFAEL:**  
She and her wife got married last year. Remember the two women who were honeymooning at the Marbella?  
I ran into them while dropping the girls off with Petra.

**MICHAEL:**  
How awkward was that meeting?

**RAFAEL:**  
Even more awkward than the time we had to explain polyamory to Jorge.

**MICHAEL:**  
NO  
I JUST scrubbed that from my memory

\--

“...I’m a monk and I got in first, do I get advantage on initiative?”

“Nope. Sorry, Petra.”

\--

**ROGELIO:**  
Please tell me you are still alive!!!

**XIOMARA:**  
I’m unconscious and I just failed my first death save oh my god this is so stressful  
I can’t imagine doing this in front of cameras  
How did you do this in front of cameras????

**ROGELIO:**  
You can do it!!  
Win!! Live!!  
Aaaaaand I asked Sam Riegel if I could drink from his flask, that’s how.

\--

“Okay, okay, okay,” says Petra, pushing her hand through her hair, her careful hairstyle now in disarray. She can’t really bring herself to care all that much. “I’m going to—punch the big one right in the face.” And she points at the biggest figure standing on the map that Jane’s drawn up. They’re lucky the rest of the demons are down, Petra honestly doesn’t know if she can handle more than one at the moment, with Albanita still unconscious—thankfully, not dead, thank you helpful NPC Harriet.

She snatches up the twenty-sided die, and some mad stray thought has her blowing on it before she starts rubbing it between her palms. Then she lets go.

And stares.

“It says 20,” she says, and Xiomara falls off her chair while yelling _Yes! Yes! Yes!_ “Does that mean I—”

“You _absolutely_ did,” says Jane. “Okay, double your damage—”

_Payton’s fist slams right into the demon’s face, breaking its nose and cracking its neck with the force of her blow. With a muffled groan, it slumps to the floor, as Albanita slowly revives under Harriet’s worried ministrations._

_“Anyone get the license plate of the cart that hit me?” Albanita mumbles, rubbing at her temples as she sits up. Then she blinks at Payton, then the dead demon, then the ugly, jagged rift right in the center of the room. “_ Madre de dios _. We got any idea how to handle that?”_

_“I was sort of hoping you might,” says Payton. “You’re a wizard, you have Dispel Magic.”_

_“No I don’t, that’s way too much for me,” says Albanita._

_“I do,” Harriet pipes up, her voice a reedy, thin thing after so long spent in this mansion of horrors. “Um. I can, I can close it. But you would both have to stand back, because I don’t, um, know if it’ll work.”_

_“If it doesn’t work,” says Payton, “you’ll be the first thing these guys try to hit. No. I’m not standing back.” She brandishes her spear, pointing the bladed end at the rift. “Do your thing,” she says to Harriet, encouraging._

_“I am,” says Albanita, “I’m way too squishy for more demons.”_

\--

**MICHAEL:**  
Subpoena has been served!  
But can you come to the precinct

**RAFAEL:**  
What?  
Why?

**MICHAEL:**  
Guy decked me before he tried to run, I ran after him, and someone called 911  
So now I’ve got a black eye and I have to give a statement.  
I’d call Jane, but I don’t want her to worry while she’s in the middle of her game.

**RAFAEL:**  
I’m already worrying for her.  
She’s absolutely going to worry even more afterwards, but okay, I’ll come by. How bad’s the shiner?

**MICHAEL:**  
Remember when I punched you?


End file.
